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Being a birthmom myself, this is an issue that is near and dear to my heart. I spent many years feeling that I did not have the right to search for my son.

When the social worker at the adoption agency told me that by signing the relinquishment papers I was giving up my right to ever have my son in my life again, I believed her. Emotionally, I tucked my son away in a corner of my mind, and only acknowledged him when he snuck out for birthdays, holidays or other special occasions. For me, and for many other birthmoms, searching was a non-issue.

What turned the tide for me was attending a conference of the American Adoption Congress. It was amazing. For the first time ever, I spoke with other birthmoms about my experience. I spoke with adoptees. I interacted in mixed groups, and came away from the conference a changed person.

Most of the other birthmoms encouraged me to search. They assured me that I DID have the right, now that my son was an adult.

The biggest difference for me, though, was what the adult adoptees had to say. To a person, their message was the same. SEARCH!!! You have the right! You have important information for your son. Your son may be hoping that you search. If I were your son, I’d want you to be searching for me.

The message was loud and clear. The past is the past. Today your son is an adult. You have much to share with him, and he has much to share with you. Don’t waste another day worrying about whether you have the right — get out there NOW and search!

My message to you is the same. You may have been told that you didn’t have the right either. If your son or daughter is grown, and your heart tells you to search, follow your heart, and you may find a happy ending one of these days.

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No, I’m not an adoptee myself.  But I am the owner of the Finding in Florida reunion registry, as well as the Finding in Florida Mailing List, which is about 350 strong.  I’ve worked with adoptees and birth families for 16 years.  I’ve also facilitated 2 different adoption search and support groups in my local area.  I’ve dealt with LOTS of adoptees over the years.

The most common pain I’ve found with adoptees is the pain of abandonment.  Even if logically you know that you weren’t actually abandoned, that doesn’t seem to stop adoptees from feeling that way.  Over the last 16 years I’ve worked with many adoptees who felt a lot of pain because some part of them believed that their birthmother didn’t love them enough to keep them.  The belief doesn’t have to be logical.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  It just has to BE there to cause emotional pain.

Another common kind of pain for adoptees is that of not feeling that they fit in and are truly a part of their adoptive family.  This is especially true if the adoptive parents have biological children along with adopted children.  Again, this doesn’t have to be logical.  Some adoptees, despite being loved and well cared for, grow up feeling that they are outsiders.  Feeling that you never really fit in with your family can be a source of great pain. 

If you are dealing with this kind of pain, EFT can bring you tremendous relief.  EFT can give you peace of mind, and allow you to comfortable with your situation and your life.

Not everyone is ready or willing to book sessions with a practitioner to deal with their issues, but EFT is so easy to learn and to use that many people can find relief on their own.

No More Adoption Pain features a chart showing the most common EFT tapping points, as well as some general directions for tapping.  In 5 minutes you can be tapping yourself, and discovering the power of EFT. 

We would love to be able to help you with a FREE session, but if you’re not ready for that, please consider visiting the website and giving EFT a try.  You won’t be sorry you did, and once you’ve mastered EFT, you’ll find it useful in all kinds of ways.  EFT can be used for stress, anxiety, anger, headaches, and many other things.

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My son was born in 1967. I was a teenager, and at that time you didn’t have options if you were in my situation. My parents forced me into surrendering my son for adoption. It was one of the most painful events in my life.

I spent most of my adult life grieving over the child I lost. I couldn’t think about it without crying. I described it to people as “having a hole in my heart”. That’s how it felt.

I saw a number of counselors and therapists over the years, but found that none actually understood my pain, and none could help me with it.

Early in 2008 I discovered EFT — Emotional Freedom Techniques. I started small, dealing with work stress and anxiety, and when I found out how effective it was, I used it on more and more of my issues.

Finally, I started working with an experienced EFT practitioner, and we worked on the pain of losing my son. After a couple of sessions, I found that I could talk about the experience without tears, and without all the emotional charge I had carried for so long.

Since I’d worked for so many years with other birthmoms and adoptees, through my online reunion registry, I wanted to be able to help others in the way that I was helped. I trained as an EFT practitioner. Now I’m reaching out to those of you who may be carrying the kind of pain that I was, and offering you free sessions (by phone or Skype) in order to help others. If you’ve been dealing with adoption related pain, with no relief in sight, consider scheduling a session.

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