You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2009.

Today is Birthmother’s Day. Birthmother’s Day was created by a group of Seattle area birthmothers, in an effort not only to educate, but more importantly, to honor and remember. The first gathering was on the Saturday before Mother’s Day 1990.

If you are an adoptee, today is a day to honor the woman that gave you life. Even if she is not a part of your life, she deserves to be honored.

If you’re a birthmom, please take some time to honor yourself. As a birthmom myself, I can speak to how seldom we do that for ourselves, but it’s something that we need to do much more of.

Adoptee Tapping for Your Birthmom

Karate chop:

  • Even though she isn’t the person who raised me, I’m taking time today to honor my birthmother.
  • Even though I have a family that I love, I’m taking time today to honor my birthmom and to send love to her.
  • Because I know how hard it must have been for my birthmom to give me up, and because I care, I’m taking time today to honor my birthmom for giving me life.

Reminders:

Eyebrow: I honor my birthmom
Outside eye: She gave me life
Under eye: I appreciate my birthmom
Under nose: She gave me a loving family
Chin: I send healing to my birthmom
Collar bone: I know how hard it was for her
Under arm: I honor my birthmom
Top of head: For all she did for me

Eyebrow: I honor my birthmom
Outside eye: I send her positive energy
Under eye: I appreciate my birthmom
Under nose: I’m so grateful to her
Chin: Sending healing to my birthmom
Collar bone: To heal the pain she carries
Under arm: I honor my birthmom
Top of head: For all she did for me

Birthmom Tapping: Honoring Yourself

Karate chop:

  • Even though I didn’t get to raise my child, and it hurts to think about that, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though I had to give my child up and that always left a hole in my heart, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though I never got to mother my child, and that hurts a lot, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, and I hold myself in kindness and compassion.

Reminders:

Eyebrow: Today is my day
Outside eye: And I honor myself
Under eye: For giving my child life
Under nose: I remind myself
Chin: Of what a strong woman I am
Collar bone: I choose to transform my pain
Under arm: About the child I lost
Top of head: Into an energy of healing and peace.

Eyebrow: I’m a survivor
Outside eye: And I honor myself for that
Under eye: I am so strong
Under nose: And I appreciate that about me
Chin: Giving up my child was so hard
Collar bone: But I choose to bring healing to that
Under arm: Letting go of the pain
Top of head: Replacing it with peace and serenity.

Advertisements

I have had that question directed at me many times over the last 18 years by adoptees in closed adoptions with whom I was working.

Yes, they may very well have had a loving family and a nearly perfect childhood, and they may adore their parents, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have lots of unanswered questions.

Such adoptees look around and see their friends next to blood relatives, with similar physical features and similar mannerisms. They see family pictures of others and marvel over how much some family members look alike. They watch as others they know smile in a certain way or tap their foot just like another family member.

For adoptees in closed adoptions, there is none of this synchronicity. No matter how well they are loved, they don’t have another human being (until they have children of their own) that they can look at and see common features.

This may not sound like it’s very important to people outside of the adoption triad, but to many adoptees, it’s very important. They long to see someone that looks like them…that has their eyes or their hair or their long skinny feet. They yearn for the synchronicity that all their friends take for granted.

After having facilitated many reunions over the years, I’ve found that one of the first things the adoptees say to me afterward is something along the lines of, “She has hands and fingers exactly like mine!”.

The saddest part about this yearning of many adoptees in closed adoptions is how many of their parents don’t recognize the importance of supporting them if they chose to search, and being there for them. Many adoptive parents are threatened by an adult adoptee wanting to find birth family. While I understand that this is fueled by fear of losing the adoptee, these parents need to put the best interests of their child first.

Support your son or daughter as they search. Share with them whatever they find. Celebrate with them if they end up in a happy reunion. Comfort them if they don’t. Be there for THEM 100%. They need that, and they deserve it.

The extra bit of good news here is that you’ll find that if you support your son or daughter in this way, it will draw the two of you closer, and will enhance your relationship. That way, everyone wins!

Not quite at that winning place yet? If you’re an adoptee searching for your birthfamily, or an adoptive parent feeling threatened by your searching child, EFT can make a difference. Find out more by clicking on the “What the Heck is EFT?” link above.