Today is my son’s 42nd birthday. For his entire lifetime, I have been miserable and depressed on the day that he was born. I’ve grieved his absence in my life. I’ve wondered whether he had a cake and birthday presents, and who was there to celebrate with him. I was always acutely aware of the empty seat at my table on his birthday.

This year is different! Wonderfully different!!!

I was convinced that I would die without ever having seen my son’s face again. That thought was devastating to me. bdcakeThen, a few weeks back, for the first time since he was a tiny baby, I got to see his face! Only a picture, and not a living person standing in front of me, but I don’t even have the words to describe my happiness and excitement at seeing his handsome face, finally.

In my mind, he was always that tiny baby, bundled in a blanket, and sucking on a bottle. It’s so hard to imagine someone that you’ve only ever seen as a baby growing up..toddler, child, teenager, young adult, grown man. I missed out on so much…

Now I can picture him clearly, looking handsome, fit and happy with his life. What an absolutely amazing gift. I don’t have to wonder any more…now I KNOW.

I am not a part of my son’s life, by his choice, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up hope of that ever happening. For now, though, I’ll hold that face in my heart, and shed a few tears of joy as I send him my love and best wishes for a wonderful birthday.

I know that there are many other birthmothers out there who haven’t searched out of fear, who have searched but not found, and who have searched, found and been rejected by their children. The end result is the same for all of them, though…the sons and daughters that they gave up are not a part of their lives, and that hurts.

If you are a birthmom whose child is not a in your life, whatever the reason, you probably have problems with birthdays too, and you yearn for more. I’m hoping that the script below will help.

Tapping Script For Birthmoms Who Are Not Reunited

Setup: Karate chop:

* Even though I hoped for a happy ending just like everyone else does, that didn’t happen, and my son/daughter is not part of my life, but I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and my child.
* Even though my son/daughter isn’t a part of my life, and that really hurts, I’m not giving up hope that the situation could change, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and my child.
* Even though I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a happy ending, I choose to work on appreciating all the good things in my life, instead of focusing on the negatives, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, and whether he/she is part of my life or not, I love and accept my son/daughter.

Eyebrow: I wish I’d had that happy ending
Outside eye: But that just didn’t happen
Under eye: I’d be thrilled if my son/daughter was part of my life
Under nose: But that’s just not the way it worked out
Chin: I have a huge hole in my heart that hurts
Collar bone: And I’m filled with sadness and regrets
Under arm: My son/daughter isn’t a part of my life
Top of head: And just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes.

Eyebrow: I’m so tired of feeling sad and unhappy all the time
Outside eye: And I’m realizing that I can make a choice
Under eye: I can choose to face life with a smile instead of a frown
Under nose: And I can start letting go of all this sadness
Chin: I’ve been sad for way too long
Collar bone: And it’s time to bring some healing to this
Under arm: Starting to release all these feelings of sadness
Top of head: Letting the sadness flow right out of my body.

Eyebrow: I can’t live my whole life in sadness
Outside eye: And it’s way too late to change the past
Under eye: I can start to feel better about the here and now
Under nose: And that’s what I’m doing by letting go of the sadness
Chin: Continuing to release more and more of that sadness and regret
Collar bone: The more sadness I let go of, the lighter I feel
Under arm: Releasing the last of the sadness
Top of head: As I bring healing to this issue.

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